The Pen May be Mightier Than the Sword..

...But the tongue is mightier than they all.

Don't you just wish you had shut up? But, no, you said it and now you feel awful. Not just awkward and sorry - but truly awful, like something inside just wants to go crawl in a hole and pull lots of dirt in on top.

You know you need to apologize and you know you will but when and how. In your mind all sorts of scenarios play themselves out like a reel of 'bloopers'. In them you are a hero - you said what needed to be said; or you are the worst sort of excuse for a piece of skin because you know your words cut deep and there's no way you can fix it; or you found just the right words and the rift is healed and everything is ok again. You roll through excuses that will make it sound like what you said wasn't so bad or the other person misunderstood what you were trying to do but in the end the credits come up on the screen and you see that you were at fault - you and only you. There were no other actors.

If you are like me - and most of you are because 'like attracts like', you are in anguish because you did it again - you promised yourself after the last painful episode that you would follow the old admonition of listening more than speaking because you have two ears and only one mouth.

If you are like me [and you are] you, too, are committing to and striving to be the best person you can be every day. You are also desirous of living up to the potential your Father in Heaven sees in you [and realizing that your way is of no help because look where it got you - again] you find yourself on your knees in humiliation before Him begging Him to take this task away from you. You know that's not His way and you know you need to do this hard thing so, instead, you ask Him to give you understanding into why you did what you did. He gives you a mirror and, after you look everywhere but into it, you look and you see. At first you see a person who is flawed - who has been weighed in the balance and found lacking but as you continue to look you see a person who is a work in progress loved beyond measure. This person is one who needs to and can step up to the plate and do the right thing because she/he sees that this experience is for her/his benefit - that he/ she is evolving into a better person - but only by being honest and accepting responsibility for his/her actions will the face in the mirror reflect a true change.

So you pray for courage to do what needs to be done, love for the person wronged and the words to say to fix things as best as you can. Then you get off your knees, wipe away your tears and make the phone call, set up the meeting or send the email - whichever is the best way to do this - apologizing [with no excuse or caveat] and asking for forgiveness. In person it is harder to do but can be done and is the best way. Phone or email will work but won't be complete until you meet the person again and see the forgiveness in their eyes and feel it in their hug. [Do you really want to wait that long in purgatory?]

When all is said and done, you feel an incredible burden has been lifted and you feel an even stronger determination never to let this happen again. You vow, with the growing realizing that in order to master your tongue you must first master your thoughts. You smile and know 'you can do this...you can do this.'