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I love my life. I'm contented enough to be relaxed and discontented enough to quest. I want to see it all, smell it all and touch it all and through writing I can. I'm especially grateful for the gospel in my life. I don't need to search anymore. I can get on with perfecting talents and abilities.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Arrgg...

Do you ever wonder why it is you do the things you do? Do you find yourself irritated and aren't sure what's up? Do you find your anger toward someone or something to be out of proportion [ as in way over the top] toward the person or incident? And, lastly, do you ever find yourself on your knees, either physically or mentally, asking for help to overcome these tendencies?

What you ask for, you get - I guarantee it!

I have been struggling with being more generous in opinion, less judgemental, more loving, kind, giving and forgiving - in short - more charitable. 'Charity is the pure love of Christ' and when you love that way you aren't quick to be irritable or angry and so I have been praying for more opportunities to practise these traits.

Now, I consider myself to be a nice person - loving and kind normally and I don't usually have trouble keeping myself under control but lately... wow...there's a Mrs. Hyde popping out!!!

That doesn't deter me, though, from asking, again, for opportunities to show I can do it.

It's funny - aka strange - that I no sooner get off my knees with all the best intentions in the world and within 5 or 10 minutes I totally blow it. Even as it's happening I can see myself and in my head I'm saying, "Diane, this is not charitable - you know better than this - now you stop it," and just as quick I ignore the admonition and keep acting badly. The process continues to my admitting I did badly, vowing not to fall into that trap again and putting another smile on my face....for about 10 minutes! Yikes... here we go again...

This is day four of this fiasco but I'm not quitting. This is obviously something the Lord knows I need to have down pat and so I will continue to submit to His teaching process. I've long believed that if you cultivate good habits, you will automatically fall back on them in situations where you don't have the time or opportunity to think clearly. I want to have charity so deeply a part of me that I am automatically charitable.

We all walk this earth with our burdens, trials and tribulations. We all need charity and so, we ought to give it to others. I love it when someone overlooks my less than kind attitude or cutting words and just loves me. It takes my bite away, I find myself feeling accepted -warts and all- and I gain the strength to tackle this desire again.

I figure if I want it, I better throw it out there freely so when the bread on the water comes back it's not full of worms and mold ;)

I hope you have a great day. Take care.

3 comments:

  1. I've been in that angry place before too. I find that letting go of the anger is really an issue of forgiveness. And, I cannot begin to forgive until I understand the forgiveness freely, yet undeservedly, given to me. Because Jesus Christ shed his blood in place of my own, I can have life - abundant life - life free from the burdens of anger and unforgiveness. When I understand His gift - His sacrifice - I realize that was payment enough for all sin. Then there is no more need for me to hold a grudge or inflict more "payment" in the form of judgement on another. Thanks for the reminder, Diane.

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  2. That's what the atonement is for right? It's days like those that make me so glad we have the gospel. At least you are making the effort and remember, we are always harder on ourselves than we need to be. Heavenly Father loves us and just expects us to do the best we can.

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  3. I suck out loud ALL the time!!! I don't really wonder why it is that I do what I do. Cuz I know. It's like what Paul said in Romans 7:15, '15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.' Yet he know's full well why he does. Same reason I do. Sin.

    It's for this very reason I have a bumper sticker (though not on my car) that says 'I'm not perfect just forgiven'. It's the realization that no matter how hard I try I can't be perfect, but I am forgiven.

    I love this song, the lyrics from a Casting Crowns song says it well:

    Not because of who I am
    But because of what You've done
    Not because of what I've done
    But because of who You are

    Here it is on youtube

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjhxOv9YDag

    I felt the most freedom from hopelessness (sp?) from the truth of these verses.
    Romans 3:22-24

    22 This righteousness is given through faith in[a] Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

    and

    Ephesians 2: 8-10

    8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. 10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

    Wow it's late...and my mind keeps bringing scripture to mind on this topic...great post mom!!

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